Toys On The Brain

Archive for the ‘School Age Toys’ Category

Now, I really try to present a balanced view when I review a toy. Even if I hate it, I try to find something redeeming about it. Not so here. This toy is CRAP. Total and utter crap. There are no other words for it.

When Small Person #1 got this for his birthday in December, I was excited to put it together. I love putting stuff together! Then I looked up the reviews on Amazon and changed my tune. They are, with few exceptions, terrible. So, I managed to put off assembling it until I finally couldn’t stand the nagging anymore and pulled it out. Guess what? It sucks.

First off, the pictures aren’t even correct - there’s no way to position the legs in the same way that’s shown on the pictures. Second, the stupid pieces just don’t go together. AT ALL. I think I managed to get the upper leg bones in (forget the toes), then couldn’t get the pelvis to stay together in any meaningful way. I mean, all the holes were there, and you could see where they should go, but there was just no way to get them to go in. They don’t line up! It was ridiculous. I finally told the boys they could be archaeologists and find the bones, but there’s no way I’m putting the stupid thing together. No freaking way.

As I was finding the picture for this article, I saw that one of the better reviews mentioned using a razor to shave off bits in order to get them to fit. That’s actually a good idea, but not feasible if you have a 5 year old, 4 year old and 8 month old trying to help you, unless you want someone to lose chunks of flesh or fingers.

I absolutely DO NOT recommend this. And if you have one, return it. Or burn it.

A couple of months ago the kids’ mom made the mistake of bringing into the house a catalog from Playmobil, a German-based toy manufacturer. Well, that catalog quickly became the preferred bathroom reading material of Small Person #2. With his birthday coming up, he started begging for many of the toys, including the water zoo sets, which included a caiman exhibit, a penguin exhibit, and a larger (and more expensive) dolphin exhibit. After listening to him beg and beg and beg and beg and beg and beg and beg, I finally decided to get him the penguin one for his birthday.

Now, keep in mind that, for a short period of time, Small Person #2 was absolutely convinced that these were life-size sets. He truly thought he could get in and swim with the dolphins (which he also thought were alive). You have to admit that the pictures in the catalog were very well done and looked very lifelike. After much explaining, I finally convinced him that they were small sets, the same as his other toys, and that he might be disappointed. Well, he was still adamant that he wanted them, so his mom went ahead and ordered other sets. (Look for those reviews soon!)

Yesterday was his birthday, and he finally got the chance to see his brand-spanking-new penguin zoo. In fact, it was a bit of a revelation for all of us. Turns out, it’s not assembled. In any way. So after opening it, he had to go away so I could assemble it and get it ready for him. Now, keep in mind, I actually LIKE assembling things, so this wasn’t a minus for me.

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Now, I usually love Melissa and Doug toys. They tend to be durable, simple, yet fun. So when Small Person #2 saw this pirate chest in a store, we figured it was worth the steep price. After all, it looked substantial and had potential to be a fun pretend play prop. Well, looks can be deceiving and companies can be cheap - both are true here.

The first thing I noticed that I thought pathetic was the “secret compartment.” What’s so secret about a warped piece of wood with a hole in the end that doesn’t even fit properly over the bottom of the chest? It was less “secret compartment” and more “shoddy workmanship.” It doesn’t even lie flat on the bottom! Sheesh.

Next we come to the box itself. What seemed substantial in the store turns out to be incredibly poorly constructed. The lid doesn’t sit flush on the bottom of the chest, and within a few minutes of opening it a sliver of wood snapped right off. There’s just no excuse for that! The skull latch is cute, but only works in one direction - I foresee that being the next bit to break.

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I purchased this slinky in order to enlighten my son on the pleasures of playing with one of the classic toys. As I worked to build up the suspense, we unleashed the slinky at the top of the stairs only to have our hopes and dreams dashed when I discovered that it doesn’t work in our house. Apparently, our steps are too wide to allow movement of the slinky from one step to another. My toddler looked at me as if I’d gone a little bit crazy.

What a disappointment! I don’t remember having trouble getting the slinky to perform feats when I was younger, but now it doesn’t seem to do much of anything. Perhaps I need to educate myself on new things to do with it.

My boy likes to hold it and drag it around for a little bit, but the novelty wears off fast. For now, it makes for a real nice decoration in and among the other classic toys on his bookshelf.

• Slinky Website

Buy Slinky Online:

• at Amazon.com

If you’ve learned anything from reading these entries, it’s probably that Star Wars is the top movie around here. And so, to continue a long tradition of Star Wars toy reviews, I’ve decided to review Small Person #2’s newest “lovey.” And yes, it’s a stuffed Yoda.

Apparently each munchkin got a stuffed Star Wars character for Christmas from one of their many relatives. Small Person #1 got Darth Vader and Small Person #3 got Chewbacca, but since I haven’t seen those guys in some time (they’re probably lost in the black hole of the boys’ bedroom), I figured I’d stick with Yoda for this review. And really, he’s the best of the three. Just look at how cute he is!

Like Small Person #2, this stuffed Yoda has a giant head compared to his body. He’s on the smaller side, but is still substantial enough to make a cozy bed-buddy. He fits quite nicely in the crook of the arm for toting around the house, and the little tufts of fur on his head are lovely for nuzzling. He carries a cane (well sewn to his hands) and wears a loose (but definitely not about to fall off) robe.

Overall, this was definitely one of the favorite Christmas gifts this year. He seems well-made and is the perfect size for Star Wars fanatics of any age. Of all the stuffed Yodas out there, he definitely seems to be the best representation. In fact, I’m thinking of getting one for myself… cute he is!

Buy Stuffed Yoda Online:

• at Amazon.com

I love me some Lego. So, just before Christmas I decided to make an “investment.” And in today’s economy, what did I choose to invest in? Stock? Bonds? Piffle to those! No, I bought the Lego Star Wars Sandcrawler set on sale for $100. Most of the Star Wars sets seem to gain value pretty quickly, so I figured this would be a good investment.

Of course, it would have been a better investment if I hadn’t ripped the box in my haste to get it out and assembled. Yes, that’s right, I still play with Legos. In fact, in addition to my little investment, I even got my coveted Lego Cafe Corner for Christmas. It’s good to have parents who overlook the fact that you’re 27 and still play with toys….

I put together the first layer of the Cafe Corner first, but because I had to ship it back home, I didn’t bother assembling the rest. While I waited for it to arrive, I decided to put together the Sandcrawler. How did it stack up? (Haha, get it? “Stack up”? Ok, yeah, that was lame.)

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These were one of the (many) toys the kids got from people who don’t bother with silly things like recommended ages. These are for 8 years and up; Small Person #1 is 5, his brother is 3. Needless to say, these aren’t exactly practical for little kids. Of course, they also aren’t practical for older people, either.

Sure, the idea of night vision is cool. You can run around outside in the dark, play hide and seek, do all sorts of cool things! Until you realize that you have NO depth perception (that means no outside where you might trip or misjudge an obstacle), an extremely limited field of vision (which means no running - you can’t see what’s right underneath you), and the battery life sucks (which means you should carry around a screwdriver and extra batteries - extra weight is totally cool).

But hey, these are just toys, right? Surely I’m being too harsh for a toy! Yeah, how many toys cost $80 and then suck down batteries like an SUV guzzles gas? Plus, I’m pretty sure I read somewhere that rechargeable batteries aren’t recommended. So now you’re throwing in regular expensive batteries (five of them at a time!) for only three hours of play. Oh, and to top it off, the stupid things don’t turn off on their own, so if someone forgets to turn them off, there goes yet another set of batteries. (And we all know how well little kids remember to turn things off, right?)

Of course, you may have an older kid (a responsible older kid) who would really like these. If so, more power to you. Just make sure s/he is careful - taking a header with a pair of these on is going to cost you a pretty penny. And hey, maybe the boys will actually get some use out of them… in about 5 years.

• EyeClops Website

Buy EyeClops Night Vision Infrared Stealth Goggles Online:

• at Amazon.com

Today I took the two youngest Small People and ventured to KB Toys. We still had a $25 gift certificate to use from the stricken company and wanted to spend it before the store gave up for good. A series of irritating events had prevented us from using it while the store still had anything worth buying, so we had to scrounge amid the piles of garbage on the shelves to find anything even remotely worth purchasing.

When I say garbage, I’m being serious - most of the goods had been opened and strewn about the store. Small Person #2 saw four Rhino Rampage boxes, but not a single one actually contained the game. Of course, we wouldn’t have purchased it even if we found one intact; you can get it on Amazon for $10 at the moment, while it still would have been $13 at KB! Again, big shock they’re going out of business. So, what did we end up with? Lots of little crappy things, but the best find was the game Don’t Break the Ice. We got it for $4, and even though it had been opened it still contained all of the pieces, so I considered it a small victory.

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After the debacle I had with buying the Lost Temple of Akator Playset from Amazon, I finally found it for a slightly discounted price from Target. As you can imagine, I ordered it right away and it was delivered well in time for Christmas. Was it worth all the trouble? I’m going to go with yes on this one.

The play set is actually fairly large and contains a number of “traps” for Indy and the temple guard figure to fall into. Among these are boulders that can be launched out of the top, a breakaway door, and a sand pit. By far the most entertaining feature was the boulder launch. Small Person #2 quickly figured out that he could make Indy straddle the flipper that made the boulders fly out and cause Indy to fly across the room. Of course, having toys hitting the ceiling (and the ceiling fan, windows, Christmas tree, etc.), isn’t exactly ideal from a safety standpoint, but it’s great fun for the kids. By the second day, Small Person #2 had even figured out how to lean the play set over and aim the launcher so the toys flew where he pointed. Good stuff.

The other features are also fun, though the breakaway door doesn’t stay put very well and I imagine we’ll be losing those pieces rather quickly. Making Indy slide down the side into the sandpit is also a favorite activity. A few Star Wars characters even seem to have made the trip to Indy’s time, so all in all it seems to have been a popular purchase. I guess it was worth all the trouble after all!

Buy Indiana Jones Lost Temple of Akator Play Set Online:

• at Amazon.com
• at Target

The holiday season is pretty much over, and you know what that means… lots of toys to review! As usual, the boys got more toys than they could ever conceivably need, so we have lots to choose from in the new year. First up? A toy Small Person #2 had on his list to Santa, and actually got (the other two things were “real duck” and “life-size nutcracker soldier” - shocking he didn’t get everything he asked for).

Flippin Frogs is produced by Mattel and is somewhat like the classic game Ants in the Pants. The goal is to get as many of your frogs onto the tree by catapulting them off of your little plastic flipper and then hoping they all stay put when the tree suddenly pops up at the end. Whoever has the most left on the tree at the end wins.

The great thing about this game is that it’s SHORT. It doesn’t take forever, but it’s entertaining enough that the kids want to play it more than once. The little frogs are fairly squishy, so if one gets catapulted into your face you won’t have to go to work explaining your black eye. The bad thing is that it’s actually kind of hard to do. The frogs tend to either fly over the tree or land so precariously that they all fall off when the tree pops up. Plus, Small Person #2 keeps forgetting to continue trying to get frogs on the tree once he gets one on. Of course, he’s younger than the recommended 5 years, but that’s not really a big deal.

You may be put off by the fact that this toy needs batteries, but fear not. As long as you play on the carpet, it’s not very loud at all, and it doesn’t run forever so you won’t find yourself going insane from the sound.

Overall, it’s a good little game. It’s not going to be teaching any necessary skills to kids, but not everything has to be educational, right? Just remember to put it away when they’re done; if you don’t, you’ll be finding the little frogs all over the room once the kids figure out just how high and far they can make them fly.

Buy Flippin Frogs Online:

• at Target
• at Amazon.com